14 Comments

This was really interesting. Thank you. I knew only a bit about the struggle between Stephen and Matilda. This really helped flesh it out. And I was nodding vigorously when I read "A woman leader in a deeply entrenched patriarchy is simply a woman whom rules in a patriarchy, nothing more." YES!!! That's the point exactly! It's why female and feminist politicians and leaders always seem to fall short of the hopes we pin to them. The game is rigged but they have no choice but to play it, and in doing so, they become servants of the system.

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Thank you so much for spending time with my words! Matilda is fascinating, and I’m so intrigued by her role as mother too, but that’s for a different time. “They become servants of the system” is such a good line and too true.

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You make such a great point about Edward V. Have you read Elizabeth Lesser’s Cassandra Speaks?

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I have not, but I just looked it up and added it to my TBR. Thank you so much for the recommendation. Sharing books is a love language, truly! And thank you. I was deep into Charles Wood’s Joan of Arc & Richard III where he posits that Joan was a dim witted young woman fed her lines because a coronation wasn’t as pivotal in medieval France as it was in England, and then he casually referenced Edward utilizing his regal name and the double standard hit me in the hysterics. Thank you for spending time with my words! 💜

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Very interesting, thank you 😊

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Thank you for spending your time with my words, I am grateful!

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You're very welcome. Very great insights so far 😊

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It’s true.

Men are hierarchical. Most men are incapable of approaching any connection without overlaying a hierarchy on it. Ironically, this is something that “man’s best friend” also tends to do. These guys haul hierarchy into everything - including marriage, despite the truth that emotional safety and hierarchy cannot coexist long-term in the same relational space.

Most women (this is tempered a bit by the internalized misogyny most of us have) are not all that hierarchical- many of us innately rebel at any hierarchy imposed over our female relationships. But we are *fiercely* territorial - over our children and friendships and passions. A matriarchy would reflect that, likely (probably in similar ways and with similar issues as many of the professional fields that are almost exclusively female today - elementary-grade public education in the U.S. comes to mind).

I had a couple of working dogs - very smart breeds- years ago. One of them was obsessed with being the head of the pack. She was loved, spoiled, safe, but if she wasn’t “over” the other dog, her entire day was destroyed (she was very well behaved tho). But when she *was* at the top of their tiny hierarchy, she was the happiest dog (and meanest bully) you’ve ever seen. It wasn’t lost on me just how similar she was to many of my male colleagues. It’s always stuck with me. So much of everything patriarchy is just men trying to secure their spot on their own specific hierarchy …. Or clamber up a notch. Even their choice of wife.

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Indeed, (most) men think it nerms of hierarchies: who's up, who's down. Whereas (most) women think in terms of relationships: who's in, who's out. Men structure society in the shape of a pyramid, whereas women structure society in the shape of a circle (or several concentric circles). Therein lies the paradox between the sexes. This is of course a paraphrase of other thinkers, but that's how I recall it.

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H/T to Katie Jgln, of The Noosphere, who coined the term "the Matilda effect".

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Katie is phenomenal and I love what she writes, that said, she wrote about the Matilda effect, she did not create the phrase. Just want to be clear on that because it almost comically plays into the Matilda effect. Which I think we’ve all been guilty of for sure, so I don’t want this to come across as “calling out” whatsoever. More so calling in maybe? 💜

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Indeed. No problem. My mistake, for some reason I thought she had coined the phrase. Whoever it was who originally coined it, not sure who, was brilliant though 😊

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Indeed, there is a world of difference between genuine Matriarchy versus reverse patriarchy. That said, under Matriarchy, there paradoxically still needs to be some sort of mechanism in place other than moral suasion to prevent (rogue) men from taking over again.

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Jan 11, 2024
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Tom! Full transparency, this is one of those comments that I am going to screenshot and come back to when the inner critic gets a little too opinionated. Thank you for this.

I LOVE that story, and sentiment so dang much. Wow. Too true and a very important reminder to all creatives. Thank for you sharing something that impacted your paradigms with me, I’m honored.

Also, please always feel free to share what you’re reading/ have read.

Thank you!!

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